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Music Monday: Still Fighting It

19 Monday Jan 2015

Posted by kristinbidwell in Music Monday

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emotion, inspiration, life, music

One of my biggest musical regrets is that I didn’t discover Ben Folds until my senior year of high school. I could listen to his stuff for days at a time without getting bored. And because I’ve been in a thoughtful mood the past few days, I’m going to share with you one of his songs that makes me cry:

“Still Fighting It” made me cry when I graduated high school and headed off to college. It made me cry when I put it in a photo montage for my sister’s high school graduation. It made me cry when my friend’s son passed away. And it made me cry at pretty much every life change in between.

You see, I have this bad habit of looking at the past through rose-colored glasses, holding it up next to the ups and downs I’m trudging through, forgetting anything bad that’s happened, and wistfully saying how “It was better then.” (I could write an entire post on this, and probably will someday.) Add that to the fact that with the majority of my 20’s behind me, I still occasionally marvel that I am able to accomplish the basic tasks of being an adult–getting an oil change, buying an airline ticket, feeding myself vegetables–and this song is a recipe for a wave of nostalgia that’s easy for me to get lost in.

The story is from the perspective of a dad talking to his son, telling him all about how “it sucks to grow up.” (And doesn’t it?!) My favorite part is the chorus:

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it

Then Ben Folds ruefully tell his son, “And you’re so much like me, I’m sorry.”

I love the song because to me, it perfectly describes The Human Condition. It hurts to grow up; it sucks. But we’re still fighting it. We can still have fun, we can still love, we can still strive to be in the present moment and throw away the rose-colored glasses we use to look at the past. So while it still makes me cry, it also makes me smile.

Fill your days with tiny braveries

12 Friday Dec 2014

Posted by kristinbidwell in Life Lessons, What Inspires Me

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comfort zone, confidence, emotion, hair, life, self-improvement

I’m a child of the 90’s, so back in middle school, when that song “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” came out, I thought it was the wisest thing I ever heard. I think everybody’s favorite part was when Baz Luhrmann almost-yelled, “Do not read beauty magazines, THEY WILL ONLY MAKE YOU FEEL UGLY.”

One of my favorite lines in the song/poem/essay, that still stands out to me to this day, was, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” As a kid, I didn’t see how that was even possible. As an adult, I once again think it’s some of the best advice I’ve ever heard.

On Monday night, I went to bed filled with nervous anticipation. Tuesday, I had an appointment at the hair salon. I have been growing my hair out for more than two and a half years. At some point, I decided I’d like to donate my hair for a wig for someone with cancer. When my friend and former coworker Loriana was diagnosed with Leukemia earlier this year, I knew that was what I had to do.

My hair fell more than halfway down my back before I chopped it off.

My hair fell more than halfway down my back before I chopped it off.

Until recently, I haven’t had long hair since my freshman year of college. So you can understand, I grew to be pretty attached to it. For the week leading up to my salon appointment, I shared short-hair pictures with my friends and family, and hoped I could go through with my plan.

There was a feeling of “Am I really doing this?” all the way up to the moment my hair stylist, Meghan, chopped off my thick ponytail with her scissors. We decided on doing an angled bob, which I have always wanted to try out. But my stomach wrapped up in knots as I watched her razor off even more inches on the back of my head to make the style happen.

The moment of truth--chopping off my ponytail to give to Pantene Beautiful Lengths for women with cancer.

The moment of truth–chopping off my ponytail to give to Pantene Beautiful Lengths for women with cancer.

After Meghan did her magic, I was relieved to see that I loved the shorter cut. And then there was the added excitement of seeing my ponytails on the counter, and knowing everything was worth it, to help out someone in the toughest time of her life.

It didn’t hurt that I was flooded with compliments on my new style. I posted a before and after photo on my Facebook page, tagging my friend Loriana, and had people I’d never met saying things like, “I don’t know you but you look more beautiful after giving the gift of your hair.” My coworker has been calling me “Gwyneth Paltrow” for days.

The finished product! My new 'do after giving away 10 inches of my hair.

The finished product! My new ‘do after giving away 10 inches of my hair.

So what does this have to do with Baz Luhrmann and the sunscreen song?

Before this week, I had been in a funk. Nothing really new or excited has happened in my life in a while, and I was in a place where I wasn’t looking forward to much.

I wouldn’t say cutting nearly a foot off of my hair scared me, exactly. I know that hair grows back (and luckily, mine grows pretty quickly), and I was really excited for the new purpose that my hair was about to take on. But the drastic change in style certainly jarred me out of my comfort zone. I’m a person who typically does not like major changes in life, but this time, instead of being anxious or sad about losing what was, I felt incredibly energized.

Simply by changing my hairstyle (and using it to give back), I felt more confident, and even more optimistic about the future. And as a person who dreads change, I felt excited about what other changes could come. I was proud of myself for doing something different, and I felt brave. (Perfect timing, after writing about the song “Brave” this week for Music Monday!)

So now I’m challenging you to try to “Do one thing every day that scares you.” It can be as simple as standing up for yourself, instead of letting a mean comment go. (That’s another out-of-the-comfort-zone kind of moment for me.) You can go see that movie your boyfriend or spouse doesn’t want to see, by yourself. How about trying some weird food for the first time? I know I have a few big, bucket-list items that would get my adrenaline going, like skydiving. But I realized this week that it’s important to push myself into uncomfortable territory in smaller ways, more often. I realized it can be life changing.

Thankfulness isn’t just for Thanksgiving

27 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by kristinbidwell in Life Lessons, What Inspires Me

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family, friends, gratitude, holidays, life

This year will mark my sixth holiday season working in TV news. I think most newsies will tell you that, more than the odd hours and low pay, working the holidays is one of the absolute worst parts of the job. Out of those six holiday seasons, this is only the second where I will be working Thanksgiving AND Christmas, and for that, I consider myself quite lucky.

It’s around this time every year that I usually find myself in an emotional tug of war. I start out grouchy, resentful that I have to sacrifice so much of my personal life for my job. Then I try to snap myself out of it with a stern internal lecture. I realize I’m far from the only person who has to work holidays, and many of the other people who will be working have jobs that are arguably more difficult and more important than mine. In fact, I learned in a story we ran at my station last night that about 25 percent of Americans will work Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s.

I think about the doctors and nurses taking care of people; the policemen, firefighters and paramedics keeping us safe; the pilots and other airline workers getting people home to their families. I think of the many servicemen and women overseas, who may not see their own families for months or more. I feel pretty lucky to be able to enjoy a potluck with coworkers whom I consider friends, and then put together a newscast.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Of course, there’s still that feeling of missing out on some quality time with my family and old friends back home. But I also recognize that I am lucky to have so many people whom I love and miss so much.

When you spend a lot of the holidays working, you become acutely aware that there are a handful of days each year when it seems like everybody is getting together and having a good time. (You don’t usually think about the stresses of hosting big gatherings and spending money, or tensions between family members, or sadness felt for those who’ve been lost.) But the flip side of that is the much deeper appreciation you feel for the moments you do get to take part in.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Last year it was almost Thanksgiving when I found out I’d been approved to take off the entire week of Christmas. It had felt like an impossibility and I was filled with so much joy when I found out that my eyes filled with tears.

The trip wasn’t without its emotional and financial stressors, but being able to celebrate with our family and friends that year is something I will always cherish. I got to be there as my boyfriend’s twin niece and nephew celebrated their first Christmas. And he got to share the annual Christmas Eve celebration at my great aunt’s house; it may have been the last year for that tradition, as she won’t be able to host this year, for the first time in decades.

This year I will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, but I’m already looking forward to getting home for New Year’s Eve. I will spend five days in my hometown, and eagerly soak up as much time as I can with the family and friends I rarely get to see. It will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one. And I hope that as my life goes on, no matter when I get a chance to enjoy time with the ones I love, that I can hold on to that thankfulness, whether it’s Thanksgiving or not.

Happiness is an emotion, not a destination

23 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by kristinbidwell in Emotions, Life Lessons, Overthinking Things

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emotion, happiness, happy, life, pressure, self-improvement

It seems like everywhere I turned this year, if I didn’t hear Pharrell Williams’s “Happy” playing every ten minutes on the radio or in a new lip dub on YouTube, I was watching my friends post pictures of lattes and sunsets and guacamole with the hashtag #100happydays.

Maybe it was because this was a challenging year personally, as I watched many people close to me deal with real, life-changing struggles. Or maybe it was because I turned 27 and suddenly felt an immediate, boulder-heavy pressure to know exactly where my life was headed and how and when I was going to get there. But never before have I felt such a push to be unabashedly, unquestionably, unapologetically happy.

So what’s the problem with that?

Most people who know me would tell you I’m an optimistic, outgoing person. I like to make the people around me smile, and keep in touch with the people I love who are a thousand miles away. On the outside, feeling happy does not seem like it’s a problem for me. And it’s not.

Where the pressure comes in is when you start looking for Happiness with a capital H. Happiness becomes another item on your Life Checklist.

√   Establish satisfying career
√   Meet perfect man
√   Marry Mr. Perfect
√   Buy dream home
√   Have beautiful children
√   Be Happy?

Beyond the obvious fact that if you wait to achieve all of your life goals before you allow yourself to be Happy, you could be waiting years, if not decades… the scary thought remains that even if you get to the bottom of that checklist you still might not be Happy. And in the meantime, you may have cheated yourself out of all the beautiful, little-H happy moments along the way.

I did the ole Google trick and typed in “how to be” tonight. The results were as I expected:

The number one thing Googlers want to be? Happy.

The number one thing Googlers want to be? Happy.

I even bought a book about happiness this year. I don’t remember what it was called, but it literally had a picture of a fence on the front cover showing the grass greener on the other side. What I learned? Happiness is not sustainable. (That may have been a word-for-word sentence in the book.) We become accustomed to the joy we feel from a new job, a new relationship, a new life change. We forget how happy those things make us. The book said a Nobel prize winner was asked how long the excitement lasted from his win; I believe his response was that it lasted about a day.

This isn’t meant to be a pessimistic viewpoint; in fact, I hope it makes you breathe a sigh of relief. You are not alone. There is not a person on this planet who feels happy 100 percent of the time. And guess what? That is okay.

Striving for a Happy Life is not only normal, it’s admirable. But when you’re tunnel-visioned on Happy, you may find you’re not treating yourself with the kindness you need when you’re not quite there. When you’re struggling with doubt, or anger, or grief, or frustration, the negativity in those emotions is magnified when you face them with an attitude of “I should be Happy.” Feeling those things doesn’t make you Not Happy–it makes you Human.

**I should add, I have no ill will toward the 100 Happy Days project. I was reading up on the guy who started it, and I love the idea of finding things in our lives that we are grateful for. (Remember what I said before about the happiness book and how happiness isn’t sustainable? Cultivating gratitude was a suggested solution for that.) But I guess #100GratefulDays doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

And I will reluctantly admit that, even after the overplayed summer that it had, there are still times when Pharrell’s song comes on, and I clap along.

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