Tag Archives: family

The story that sinks in: The tragic reminder from the Roanoke news shooting

26 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Emotions, Life Lessons

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Almost anyone who works in my industry will tell you the same thing: We see the world a little differently than you. For most of us, after a certain number of years in news (and it doesn’t take many), our wiring gets a little messed up. Our humor gets a little darker, our threshold for the unthinkable gets a little higher, and cynicism sinks in.

I write stories about people losing their lives every day. I don’t always stop to think about all the heartache behind these stories, because I simply can’t. But today was different.

Today I watched video of two people being gunned down while they did what many of my dear friends do every day. WDBJ’s Alison Parker and Adam Ward could have been my colleagues. Just a few short years ago, that could have been me.

Even with that realization, and with that chilling video replaying over and over in my head, breaking news mode set in and my focus was on finding information, making graphics, helping my coworkers get the latest on the air.

After seeing that horrible violence, what actually stopped me in my tracks was this:

Source: Facebook/Adam Ward

Facebook/Adam Ward

It was the Facebook photo of photographer Adam Ward proposing to his fiance, Melissa Ott, that felt like a punch in the gut, and made my eyes well with tears. As heartbreaking as the shooting video was to see, the juxtaposition of it with this couple’s joy and the promise of their future is almost more painful.

Melissa was a morning producer at WDBJ, and today was her last day before taking a new job in Charlotte. Adam was going to move there with her. Her coworkers had a party planned for later today. One of my colleagues knew Melissa, and showed me her Facebook post from early this morning, saying she was feeling the love from her Channel 7 family on her last day. A short time later, she was in the control room as Adam was shot and killed on her station’s air.

While the videos of the shooting were hard to watch, it’s Melissa who I can’t get out of my mind today (as well as Alison Parker’s boyfriend, Christ Hurst, who’s been posting about moving in with her and their plans to get married.) I keep imagining her excitement for her next chapter, all the love she felt from the people around her, and the future she had mentally mapped out with Adam for years to come. Today was supposed to be Melissa’s day, and in an instant a selfish and cowardly man stole that from her, and stole the entire future she and Adam were planning.

I’ve seen recently with some of my own loved ones that there are moments in life that will change us. They split our lives in half, into a “before” and an “after.” Today’s tragedy is another reminder that we never know when these moments will throw our lives upside down.

I so deeply wish I could reset things to the beautiful “befores” that Melissa Ott and Chris Hurst had taken from them. I pray that there is a small consolation in knowing there is an entire community of journalists grieving with them around the world.

Feel-Good Friday: My funny dandelion

01 Friday May 2015

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One of the best things that I saw this week was a video that was so simple yet so sweet. British musician Tom Fletcher (behind the sweet Wedding Speech and From Bump to Buzz videos) shared a great video of his son. The little one can’t stop cracking up, simply because his dad is blowing the seeds off of dandelions:

The laughter of little kids is just so infectious, and the way they find fascination in some of the tiniest things in life is a reminder to not take them for granted.

And while we’re on the subject of cuteness, I had to include an honorable mention… the too-cute, 8-week-old puppy who wants to attack his own hiccups!

When finally coming home means leaving home behind

06 Monday Apr 2015

Posted by in Emotions, Life Lessons

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This year, Easter had a special energy in the air. I don’t know if anyone else felt it but me. It may have been the near-perfect, sunny spring weather, or the adorable antics of my cousin’s kids. But for me, what really made the day stand out was this: Every time I hugged or kissed my cousins, aunts and uncles, and wished them a Happy Easter, they each warmly responded with, “Welcome home.”

Home.

I didn’t realize until recently what a big word that can be. This Easter, it resonated deeply. I haven’t been home to celebrate the holiday in six years. Those warm greetings spoke to my deepest and simplest definition of the word–the place I grew up, the memories I grew up with. It’s amazing how those familiar smells and sounds, the pictures on the walls, can put you back in the shoes of a younger you.

This was the first Easter I celebrated with family in six years.

This was the first Easter I celebrated with family in six years.

The younger me at age 16 decided one day that my best career would be broadcast journalism; I envisioned a career at one of the Chicago news stations I watched growing up. 19-year-old me was told in order to achieve that goal, I’d have to fly the coop first. 22-year-old me did just that, packing up my newly-gifted furniture from mom and dad and driving three hours to Lafayette, Indiana. And my 24-year-old self got really crazy, chasing adventure, my boyfriend, and a producer job down to Austin, Texas, without ever having stepped foot there before.

I never lost sight of that vision I had when I was 16, even though I’ve since become an entirely different person. A few months ago, a sudden inclination coincided with opportunity, and before I knew it, I was offered a TV producing job in my hometown.

Then a funny thing happened. I had realized a goal that was more than a decade in the making, and I was so proud of myself. But as I packed up my things and started what I dubbed my “Austin Farewell Tour,” the emotion I felt the most was sadness.

On the one hand, my heart couldn’t wait to be reunited with my dear friends and family whom I missed terribly. And in fact, after being home now for nearly two months, I can say the benefits of living near my loved ones are stronger than I imagined. But I realized as I prepared to move home, that I was also leaving a home behind.

Waiting in line for barbecue with some of our friends as part of my "Austin Farewell Tour."

Waiting in line for barbecue with some of our friends as part of my “Austin Farewell Tour.”

During the weeks I was in limbo, not yet leaving Austin but having no idea what my new life would look like, most of my friends and family had one of two reactions: “I can’t wait for you to move here!” or “I can’t believe you’re leaving us!” It was kind of funny the way the people in my life perfectly mirrored my conflicting inner voices.

But one day, one of my best friends called me to see how I was doing. She told me, “I am so excited for you to get here. But at the same time, I am sad for you. Sad for all that you are leaving behind.” It takes a good friend and a particularly thoughtful person to recognize the state I was in. When she spoke what I was feeling out loud, I realized I was never going to have everything that I wanted. And that’s what life is about–choosing the set of options that fits you best.

Seven weeks after arriving in Chicago, it’s starting to feel like home again. But sometimes I still pine for the homes I’ve left behind. It hits me when I feel a pang of longing for our favorite Indian restaurant, or nostalgia wishing I was sitting at the coffee shop on the lake. Sometimes it’s as simple as the doubt I felt when it was NEGATIVE FIVE DEGREES on my first day of work, as I checked the weather in Austin, which is still on my weather app. Or moments when I almost blurt out an inside joke with former coworkers that I know no one here will get.

And it’s not just Austin that makes me feel this way. Just the other day, I got a little sentimental when I told someone about how my boyfriend and I used to walk across the street from my Indiana apartment to rent DVDs from the library. I had a flood of memories when my old address from my quarter in Washington, D.C. popped up during my apartment rental process. And a recent conversation about martini bars reminded me of the one I used to frequent with my good friends during my time in Champaign.

As I embark on this new chapter, I’m already seeing that there are moments when I will feel like I’m back in a home that never really left me and I never really left. But there are as many or more, where I’m once again carving out a new place in the world until it feels like mine.

Just a few weeks after I arrived in Chicago, an old friend shared a post on Instagram that really spoke to me:

home

I know now that part of my heart has been left behind in so many places, with so many people. And never for an instant will I regret the path I have taken, or the homes it has given me.

Thankfulness isn’t just for Thanksgiving

27 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by in Life Lessons, What Inspires Me

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This year will mark my sixth holiday season working in TV news. I think most newsies will tell you that, more than the odd hours and low pay, working the holidays is one of the absolute worst parts of the job. Out of those six holiday seasons, this is only the second where I will be working Thanksgiving AND Christmas, and for that, I consider myself quite lucky.

It’s around this time every year that I usually find myself in an emotional tug of war. I start out grouchy, resentful that I have to sacrifice so much of my personal life for my job. Then I try to snap myself out of it with a stern internal lecture. I realize I’m far from the only person who has to work holidays, and many of the other people who will be working have jobs that are arguably more difficult and more important than mine. In fact, I learned in a story we ran at my station last night that about 25 percent of Americans will work Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s.

I think about the doctors and nurses taking care of people; the policemen, firefighters and paramedics keeping us safe; the pilots and other airline workers getting people home to their families. I think of the many servicemen and women overseas, who may not see their own families for months or more. I feel pretty lucky to be able to enjoy a potluck with coworkers whom I consider friends, and then put together a newscast.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Of course, there’s still that feeling of missing out on some quality time with my family and old friends back home. But I also recognize that I am lucky to have so many people whom I love and miss so much.

When you spend a lot of the holidays working, you become acutely aware that there are a handful of days each year when it seems like everybody is getting together and having a good time. (You don’t usually think about the stresses of hosting big gatherings and spending money, or tensions between family members, or sadness felt for those who’ve been lost.) But the flip side of that is the much deeper appreciation you feel for the moments you do get to take part in.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Last year it was almost Thanksgiving when I found out I’d been approved to take off the entire week of Christmas. It had felt like an impossibility and I was filled with so much joy when I found out that my eyes filled with tears.

The trip wasn’t without its emotional and financial stressors, but being able to celebrate with our family and friends that year is something I will always cherish. I got to be there as my boyfriend’s twin niece and nephew celebrated their first Christmas. And he got to share the annual Christmas Eve celebration at my great aunt’s house; it may have been the last year for that tradition, as she won’t be able to host this year, for the first time in decades.

This year I will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, but I’m already looking forward to getting home for New Year’s Eve. I will spend five days in my hometown, and eagerly soak up as much time as I can with the family and friends I rarely get to see. It will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one. And I hope that as my life goes on, no matter when I get a chance to enjoy time with the ones I love, that I can hold on to that thankfulness, whether it’s Thanksgiving or not.