Tag Archives: gratitude

Life’s mood swings: Learning to ride the rollercoaster

12 Saturday Nov 2016

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Last week was a rollercoaster. No, I’m not talking about the election. (And I’m sure many of you will thank me when I say, I have no plans to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole here.) I keep looking back on the week before, amazed that I managed to feel about every emotion imaginable in the span of just a few days.

On Thursday, my family said goodbye to my great aunt. Auntie A never had kids of her own, so her numerous nieces and nephews were like her children and grandchildren. She was the center of my dad’s side of the family, and I meant it when I told my relatives that she was the kindest and most selfless person I have ever known. Auntie was a person who knew how to make anyone feel special, like you mattered deeply to her and to the world. Our family gathered at her home every Christmas Eve, Easter morning and Fourth of July since long before I was born, and she filled each day with such a tangible, loving energy that was contagious.

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My sister and I with our dear great aunts a few Christmases ago. (Auntie A is on the right).

She died exactly two weeks after suffering a massive stroke, and I was thankful I got the chance to tell her how much she meant to me, and for her to tell me she loved me once more before her condition declined. Our family spent many hours by her side in those weeks, holding her hand, praying, crying, and reminiscing.

The day of my aunt’s funeral I was filled with emotion. It was a beautiful day, and every word that was said that day felt like the perfect tribute to her kind heart. I shed many tears, grieving the loss of such a special person, feeling like a deep void had been left behind. Yet at the same time, I was grateful. I felt thankful to have had such a wonderful person in my life for so many years, and for the lessons in love and kindness she taught my family. I felt thankful to be part of such a great family. I felt thankful for my aunt’s long life and that she didn’t suffer much in her final days. That day alone was enough of a rollercoaster, but I had more in store.

The very next morning, my spirits were lifted, when my boyfriend, a few of my coworkers and I decided to check out the Cubs World Series victory parade that was taking over the Chicago Loop (steps outside of where we work). The city was flooded with Cubs fans (some believe it was one of the largest gatherings in human history), and everyone appeared to be overjoyed.

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Joining millions of other Cubs fans for the victory parade. (Nov. 4, 2016)

Besides being energized by the fact that my team had won its first World Series in 108 years, I also felt unified with the people of my city, like we were all coming together to celebrate at least one thing we could all believe in. It was refreshing, given the division in the political season this year that made me feel like no one was ever going to get along. (Okay, that’s the only election reference; I promise!) That feeling of pride and unity continued when my friends and I popped into a bar to watch the Cubs rally in Grant Park, singing “Go Cubs Go” with a few hundred of our newest friends.

Later that day, I was sitting at a kitchen table with my closest friends from high school, drinking wine and sharing our favorite memories. We had planned a Chicago-themed going away party for our dear friend Lynn, in honor of her upcoming move to France. I’m always a sucker for those warm and fuzzy moments of people-who-known-me-best girlfriend bonding sessions. But this one was tinged with a little sadness, sending off someone I care for so far away. Lynn had been living in San Francisco over the last few years, so our get-togethers were already fewer and farther between than our group would like. But France! It’s an ocean away. At the same time, I found myself feeling just so fiercely proud of my friend, fulfilling one of her longtime goals.

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My favorite childhood friends, showing off our Portillo’s chocolate cake as we sent off Lynn (far right) to Paris!

Maybe it was the mix of wine and nostalgia, but before the night was over, my dear friends and I were blasting 90’s music and had formed a kick line in the middle of my friend’s living room. We held hands and danced in a circle, singing “No Scrubs” to my friend Jess’s 3 year old, Logan, as he continued asking for “one more song” before his bed time. (Logan and my friends’ other kids are also some of the little people in my life who make my heart feel like it’s overflowing.) So there I was, one day removed from one of the saddest days I’ve had in a long time, belting out the Backstreet Boys and trying to soak up every second with some of the best people in my life.

The next morning, I was celebrating another milestone moment for another old friend of mine. My friend Maggie was one of my first college friends at the University of Illinois, and after we fell a little out of touch for a few years, life brought her and her husband David down to Austin while my boyfriend and I were living there, and thankfully, back into my life. Saturday, they were back in town in the Chicago suburbs for their baby shower, expecting their little boy right around Christmas this year.

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Celebrating my friend Maggie and her baby Noah last weekend.

Maggie is a friend who has always been an inspiration to me. Shortly after we met, she suddenly lost her mother, a loss that was obviously very painful. Yet she has more faith in God and in the future than most people I know. She and David have built up a successful business over the past few years, and have managed to find the time and money to travel all over the world. And like my Auntie A, Maggie is filled with love, kindness and humility, always more concerned about others than herself. Seeing her joy in expecting her first child was very special, and again last week, I found myself filled with gratitude, that I would be counted among the friends and family she wanted to share this with.

Like the sadness I felt saying goodbye to Lynn, Maggie and David’s baby shower also made me miss our time together in Austin, feeling sad that it would probably be quite a while until I got to meet baby Noah. But I chose to focus on the pride I felt for my friends doing great things, and achieving their goals in life.

Saturday night, I slept deeply and for a very long time. I truly felt like the last few days had been an emotional rollercoaster. In just three days, I had experienced grief, relief, joy, sadness, pride, nostalgia, unity, anticipation, celebration, gratitude, and deep love. A younger me would have felt paralyzed and overwhelmed. But I’ve come to learn that these are the moments that define our lives, that life is just one twist and turn after another and the best way to experience it is to soak up every emotion–good or bad–and the lessons you can learn from it.

I was reminded by this photo that I saved off the internet a number of months ago:

yinyang

It reminded me of the joy and gratitude I felt for the memories with my Auntie A, even as I felt a pervading sorrow to know she is gone from this world. It reminded me of the sadness I felt to be far from some of my close friends, even as I watched them fulfill their highest goals and we enjoyed our moments together. This is the best description of life I’ve found so far, and I’ve resolved to honor every moment as I experience it, for every moment is an important part of life.

Changing your perspective: Making time for gratitude

09 Tuesday Aug 2016

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Most mornings, I climb into my car at the ungodly hour of 1 A.M., turn on news radio as I try to catch up on the day’s stories, and let my muscle memory get me from my north side neighborhood into Downtown Chicago. I’m usually lost in thought or trying to stay awake, sometimes realizing I listened to a block of stories without remembering a single one. I’m already planning out my morning, occasionally rehashing some conversation from the day before or worrying about what’s in store for the day ahead.

But one morning, a few weeks ago, some wispy clouds caught my eye by the way they encircled the top of the John Hancock building, glowing in the moonlight. It gave the entire skyline a spooky beauty, almost like a movie scene. The sight shook me out of my morning slump and refocused my brain, reminding me that I love coasting on this stretch of Lake Shore Drive (at least when it’s traffic free!), I love the view of this city at night, and I feel so lucky to work in one of the greatest cities in the world. In fact, I was reminded of the very first morning that I made the drive into the city in the middle of the night, and how seeing the skyline grow larger made the butterflies in my stomach flutter with excitement. (Yes, all that from a few wispy clouds!)

The whole experience (which lasted all of about 15 seconds) got me thinking about gratitude.

Since I started learning about Buddhism and mindfulness a few years ago, there are a few lessons that have popped up over and over again:

  • What you think can affect your whole life
  • You can control your thoughts, and keep them from controlling you
  • Cultivating gratitude is one of the easiest ways to turn your entire life outlook around

It isn’t just a Buddhist thing either. Gratitude is something I constantly see as a top example of how to boost happiness and success. Just yesterday, I came across an article that listed “express[ing] gratitude” as one of the things successful people do every night.

I am deeply aware of the many ways I’m lucky in life. And yet, why is it that it seems so much easier to complain than to hold onto that gratitude? So as a reminder to myself that it feels infinitely better to focus on the positive, I wanted to share a few pointers on how to let gratitude grow:

  1. Feels like the first time: Just like that giddy feeling I remember from the first morning I drove into the city for my (then) new job, try to encapsulate the emotions you felt when things were fresh. Look at your spouse or significant other through the eyes of your first few dates. Instead of complaining that your apartment needs to be cleaned, revisit the excitement of when you first got the keys. Sick of sitting in traffic? Try to remember what it was like when you first got your license, and would gladly face rush hour to fetch a gallon of milk, if it meant a chance to get behind the wheel.

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    One of my first nights out, back in my hometown but enjoying city life for the first time. Couldn’t get over the gorgeous views!

  2. See things from a simpler view: This may mean to take notes from one of your positive-minded friends. But what’s even better is to think younger. There are so many things we can learn from the carefree kids in our lives. They’re constantly learning, joyfully taking in the world, and literally seeing things for the first time. Not too long ago, my friend’s baby discovered, to her amusement, that she has feet! My other friend’s 2 year old is learning to tell jokes, and his eyes light up every time he makes us laugh. Imagine how adventurous life could feel if you saw it with the fresh eyes of a child.

    This works for animals too! I don’t have kids, but I do have two dogs. Today, my boyfriend and I joked that our girl, Sadie, could spend an entire day just sniffing around in the grass. What’s usually a nuisance should actually be a reminder for me to take time to take in the world around me.

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    Try to live every day like a dog with his head out the window.

  3. Shut off your thoughts: This goes back to what I mentioned earlier about keeping your thoughts from controlling you. Negativity can become a habit, and the only way out is to retrain your brain. One thing that’s helped me to do that is a kind of on-the-fly meditation. Let the thoughts that pop up in your mind float away, and try to bring your attention back to the present moment–the sights, sounds, smells. Most of the time, that’s enough for me to notice something I’m thankful for, whether it’s a beautiful view out the window, the garlic I’m frying up on the stove, or my boyfriend making up a song on the guitar.
  4. Build in time to be thankful: The more you practice gratitude, the more naturally it will come to you, especially in times when a dark cloud of negativity threatens to take over. It could be as simple as consciously taking a moment or two before bed to look back on the best moments of your day. Or it could be something more overt, like keeping a gratitude journal. The author of the article about successful people I mentioned earlier suggests writing down five things you’re thankful for each night. Recently, I read a blog where the author said he plays a gratitude game with himself each day; he tries to come up with three things he’s grateful for, and works to find those three things by an earlier time than the day before.

The beautiful thing about gratitude is that the more you practice it, the easier it will be. So you really can’t lose with this one.

And when in doubt, just be this girl:

 

Fall resolutions, part two: Taming the complaining

09 Wednesday Sep 2015

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Last week, I wrote about how this time of year feels so much more like “New Year’s” than January, when I’m typically entering winter hibernation mode. And in the spirit of that new-year feeling, I resolved to focus on a few changes I’d like to make. I started with being a more mindful listener.

How’d last week go? Well, I’m probably not going to be the next Dalai Lama anytime soon (I don’t know; I guess I picture him as being a great listener!). But in my work life and my personal life I felt like I was noticing myself resisting the urge to steamroll people in conversations at least a little more than normal. And I plan to keep that top of mind moving forward.

So what’s on tap for week two? I’m working on reining in a bad habit of mine that’s become so common I don’t always realize just how bad it is…

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Yep, sometimes I complain. A lot. The thing about complaining is, it starts out with a couple things that are bothering you, before sucking you into a spiral of negativity. Before you know it, you’ve got a metaphorical cloud over your head and can’t explain why it feels like you’re having a terrible day.

Being a journalist, I’ve said for years that complaining is second nature to us; it’s our job to find out what’s wrong in the world and point it out. Sometimes we’re too skilled at recognizing faults for our own good. But I’m determined to separate that instinct from my outlook toward life.

I’m only a novice when it comes to the teachings of Buddhism and the mindfulness movement. But one thing that’s been drilled into my mind is the benefit of practicing gratitude. And that’s basically the opposite of the complaints I hear myself rattling off.

So as I try to bite my tongue this week, I’m keeping in mind this quote I love, from Gandhi:

gandhi_quote

I won’t place the pressure of my entire destiny on my words just yet, but I will recognize that every day I have a choice between negativity and gratitude. When I want to open my mouth and complain, I will turn my thoughts to what’s good in my life… or at the very least say nothing at all.

Wish me luck, as I know this will be quite the challenge! And I hope you’ll join me in my efforts this week.

Feel-Good Friday: I’m Gonna Love You Through It

24 Friday Jul 2015

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I spend many hours each week–for work and for fun–sifting through some of the best videos on the internet. When my coworker and friend shared this one with me the other day, I thought it sounded cute. When I clicked on the link and started watching, I thought it was sweet. When I got about two minutes into it, I was trying to hold back my tears.

I played this on my newscast this morning, and everyone had the same reaction. This is the PS22 Chorus, a group of 5th graders in New York, dedicating one of their songs to a teacher who recently started fighting breast cancer. And it’s one of the best things the internet has to offer:

To me, this video embodies Life. There is no escaping hardship or pain, but if we’re lucky, we’ll have people around to “love us through it.” We can’t always sing it to the people we love, but these sweet kids have inspired me to show it the best that I can.

Everyone is doing the best they can

20 Wednesday May 2015

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There’s an unfortunate side effect to being born a human: Everyone is part of their own universe, and everything in it revolves around them. Things don’t just happen; they happen “to me.” And sometimes every action someone else takes can feel like a targeted personal affront.

But the reality is, nine times out of ten, the actions and behavior of others have absolutely nothing to do with you. And the ways those actions might affect your life is usually the afterthought of an afterthought.

On a conscious level, we understand that our lives are not the only ones that are chaotic or boring, overwhelming or depressing. We recognize that we’re not the only people facing challenges, even acknowledge that many others have challenges that outrank our own. Yet when conflict arises, the benefit of the doubt goes out the window.

Here’s a crazy thought: Everyone is doing the best they can.

The guy who cuts you off when he’s about to miss his exit is doing the best he can. The woman who takes forever wrangling her kids in the checkout line and makes you wait an extra 30 seconds to buy your Heath bar is doing the best she can. The barista who takes ten minutes making your Frappuccino because some other asshole is yelling about her nonfat double-stuffed skinny cow cinnamon latte is doing the best he can. (Yes, even the asshole yelling about the latte is doing the best she can.)

Your boss who gets frustrated and snaps at you is doing the best she can. The mother who dishes out unsolicited advice because she thinks it’s what’s best for you is doing the best she can. The friend who couldn’t show up less than ten minutes late to save his life… is doing the best he can.

Maybe you see yourself in their shoes and soften a bit. Sometimes I don’t return phone calls. Sometimes I interrupt people. Sometimes I get a little too sarcastic. But I know I’m doing the best I can too.

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Here’s the M. Night Shyamalan twist to this whole story–Everyone is not actually doing the best they can. Your boss might be a jerk, your mom might be bossy, and the asshole at Starbucks might just be an asshole.

But that doesn’t even matter. Imagine how our everyday lives could be different if we just treated everyone like they were doing the best they can (and honestly, most of them actually are). We’d treat the people around us with much more kindness, and patience. We’d believe in their efforts to treat us kindly in return. Maybe we’d take a second to look around our personal universe, and see we’re not the only one in it.

Feel-Good Friday: My funny dandelion

01 Friday May 2015

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One of the best things that I saw this week was a video that was so simple yet so sweet. British musician Tom Fletcher (behind the sweet Wedding Speech and From Bump to Buzz videos) shared a great video of his son. The little one can’t stop cracking up, simply because his dad is blowing the seeds off of dandelions:

The laughter of little kids is just so infectious, and the way they find fascination in some of the tiniest things in life is a reminder to not take them for granted.

And while we’re on the subject of cuteness, I had to include an honorable mention… the too-cute, 8-week-old puppy who wants to attack his own hiccups!

Why I wish I lived more like my dog

22 Wednesday Apr 2015

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Anyone who knows me (or even follows me on social media) knows that I’m basically obsessed with my dog. So it was really just a matter of time until I dedicated a post to him.

It occurred to me that I should write about Mack today while we were on a run around my neighborhood–not because it was relaxing or fun, but because, as life with Mack often is, it was periodically embarrassing.

Yes, trying to run with my dog is a lot like trying to read a book to a toddler at Chuck E. Cheese. The fact is, there are just too many exciting sights and smells, and they all beat jogging at a moderate pace calmly beside me. Today was no exception.

My dog, Mack, chasing a squirrel up a tree on a recent walk

My dog, Mack, chasing a squirrel up a tree on a recent walk

We managed to jog about a half-mile to the lakefront park before Mack saw a squirrel he wanted to eat, dragging me behind him with dust in our tracks like a cartoon. About a minute later, after I dragged him away and got us back to our normal pace, I almost crashed into him when he stopped dead in his tracks to relieve himself. And this is what running with Mack is like. Every time.

But since I’m not that great of a runner, I like to let my thoughts wander when I run, instead of focusing on not being able to breathe. And since I’m still a sap when it comes to my pup, I started to think about how he could teach me a thing or two.

As humans, most of us focus way too much on what we “should” be doing, or what others expect us to do. My dog (and most of his species, really) sets a true example of the phrase “follow your heart.”

You want to sprint after that squirrel? I‘ll get him someday.

You want to stop to sniff that tree, and the next six after it? They each have a unique essence.

You want to lunge at the dude passing by on his bicycle? I didn’t trust that guy.

In all seriousness, though, dogs have a zest for life that we could all learn from. Every day when I come home from work, this mutt almost knocks me over when he puts his paws on my shoulders and tries showing how much he missed me. Why don’t we act that way around all the people we love? When I leave at night, and it makes him sad, he cries out. When he’s just overwhelmed with excitement, he rolls all over the place until he can compose himself:

The bottom line is, this dog is as true to his heart as anyone or anything could possibly be. He’ll show remorse if he messes up (and if I speak sternly), but he doesn’t know a thing about regret. And he certainly knows how to live in the moment.

So the next time this dog drags me through the park, I’ll do my best to laugh and enjoy it. Because God knows, the only one of us who gets embarrassed is me.

Cuddling with my pup, who's taught me a few things about living in the moment.

Cuddling with my pup, who’s taught me a few things about living in the moment.

Music Monday: The Heart of Life

13 Monday Apr 2015

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Over the weekend I wrote about losing my friend’s young son last year. There was one song that comes to mind that helped me get through that first surreal day and the months that followed.

After I answered the phone call from my friend, telling me Scotty had passed away, I left work early and went home. I needed something to fill the silence, and to give me some form of comfort. So I listened to this song over and over:

[spotify https://play.spotify.com/track/1piQgn19rviQgJF3kDrtpT]

I turn to John Mayer’s “The Heart of Life” when I’m feeling pessimistic or sad, or like in that case last year, when I’m unable to make sense of why things happen. The lyrics are comforting, and they cut down to what I really believe, underneath it all.

I don’t really have a favorite lyric in this one, because it’s just all great, beginning to end. But the chorus really gets to the heart of the message:

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

I hope this song speaks to you the way it speaks to me, and that it helps you see the heart of life is good.

Good Riddance 2014, But Thanks (Lessons From The Worst Year of My Life)

31 Wednesday Dec 2014

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2014 was the worst year of my life. I think.

Have you ever had one of those awful days where nothing seems to go right? And at some point you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that this is a “bad” day, where if even the tiniest set back pops up you want to (or actually) throw your arms up and yell, “And now this?!” Picture that feeling that lasts an entire year.

Early this year, my uncle passed away tragically young, in a drug-related death. My sister and her ex-fiancé broke off an eight-year relationship, two months before they were going to get married. Then in April, the 6-month-old son of one of my best friends died suddenly.

It sounds selfish to pile these things on to the list of “Bad Things That Happened to Me This Year,” when they clearly hit others much harder and more directly. But as a very sensitive person who cares deeply about the people in my life, it was incredibly painful to see the people I love suffer, as I also learned a harsh lesson about the frailty of life. And living 1,000 miles away from my hometown, I felt like I was powerless to help.

I also started 2014 with some lofty goals for my personal and professional life, that I didn’t exactly land. Add all of these things together, and by the time the year was halfway through, “This has been the worst year of my life” became sort of a messed up, backwards mantra that echoed in the back of my head more often than you could imagine.

Me in February, not yet jaded about the trials that were to come.

Me in February, not yet jaded about the trials that were to come.

At some point, I remembered a conversation with a friend from around this time last year. She was wishing me happy holidays and said, “I think this is going to be a really great year for you.” Thinking of all the great things that were sure to happen in 2014, her comment made me glow. One year later, there have been times when I literally cursed her, convinced that she jinxed this year for me.

Suffice it to say, as the final hours of 2014 roll on, I am more than ready to put this year to bed. But as I reflect upon the year that was, it pains me a little to admit that I’m uncovering a wealth of gratitude. I have grown more this year than any other that I can remember. I learned what my priorities are, who I can count on, who counts on me, and roughly what direction I want my life to head.

I feel like I owe this year an apology for not giving it enough credit. I let it be defined by a handful of moments. I forgot to remember the late-night tacos with good friends, bad jokes with coworkers, romantic trips with my boyfriend. I discounted the beautiful moments I experienced leaning on my loved ones, and being someone to lean on. I spent so much time feeling personally victimized by tragedy that I discarded my typical belief that without darkness, you can’t appreciate the light.

Ending 2014 on a more positive, optimistic note.

Ending 2014 on a more positive, optimistic note.

So as I head into 2015, I’m praying that no one tells me how great it’s going to be. I don’t need the pressure or the expectations. While I appreciate the opportunity a new year presents to change lives, I’m not making any resolutions. Not really. I just hope I can remember to follow my heart, love deeply, appreciate the quiet, little moments of peace, and remember that a year is just a year.

Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy New Year, in whatever large or small meaning it holds for you. No pressure.

Thankfulness isn’t just for Thanksgiving

27 Thursday Nov 2014

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This year will mark my sixth holiday season working in TV news. I think most newsies will tell you that, more than the odd hours and low pay, working the holidays is one of the absolute worst parts of the job. Out of those six holiday seasons, this is only the second where I will be working Thanksgiving AND Christmas, and for that, I consider myself quite lucky.

It’s around this time every year that I usually find myself in an emotional tug of war. I start out grouchy, resentful that I have to sacrifice so much of my personal life for my job. Then I try to snap myself out of it with a stern internal lecture. I realize I’m far from the only person who has to work holidays, and many of the other people who will be working have jobs that are arguably more difficult and more important than mine. In fact, I learned in a story we ran at my station last night that about 25 percent of Americans will work Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s.

I think about the doctors and nurses taking care of people; the policemen, firefighters and paramedics keeping us safe; the pilots and other airline workers getting people home to their families. I think of the many servicemen and women overseas, who may not see their own families for months or more. I feel pretty lucky to be able to enjoy a potluck with coworkers whom I consider friends, and then put together a newscast.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Spending Thanksgiving 2013 with some of my favorite FOX 7 girls.

Of course, there’s still that feeling of missing out on some quality time with my family and old friends back home. But I also recognize that I am lucky to have so many people whom I love and miss so much.

When you spend a lot of the holidays working, you become acutely aware that there are a handful of days each year when it seems like everybody is getting together and having a good time. (You don’t usually think about the stresses of hosting big gatherings and spending money, or tensions between family members, or sadness felt for those who’ve been lost.) But the flip side of that is the much deeper appreciation you feel for the moments you do get to take part in.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Enjoying some much-appreciated family time on Thanksgiving 2010.

Last year it was almost Thanksgiving when I found out I’d been approved to take off the entire week of Christmas. It had felt like an impossibility and I was filled with so much joy when I found out that my eyes filled with tears.

The trip wasn’t without its emotional and financial stressors, but being able to celebrate with our family and friends that year is something I will always cherish. I got to be there as my boyfriend’s twin niece and nephew celebrated their first Christmas. And he got to share the annual Christmas Eve celebration at my great aunt’s house; it may have been the last year for that tradition, as she won’t be able to host this year, for the first time in decades.

This year I will miss Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family, but I’m already looking forward to getting home for New Year’s Eve. I will spend five days in my hometown, and eagerly soak up as much time as I can with the family and friends I rarely get to see. It will be Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s all rolled into one. And I hope that as my life goes on, no matter when I get a chance to enjoy time with the ones I love, that I can hold on to that thankfulness, whether it’s Thanksgiving or not.